We had our first real snowfall of the season yesterday and now my world is chilly and covered with a blanket of fluffy white. Yesterday started out beautifully. I even said it out loud, “This is the perfect morning.” And then, as the day progressed, real life things cast a shadow over that perfect morning and 12 hours later I was contemplating how stagnant my life has become lately.
Earlier this week I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She asked me what was new in my life and I answered my typical, “Oh, not much!” She challenged me by following up with: “Well, something MUST be new!” And she’s right. We hadn’t seen each other in person in at least 4 years and hadn’t really spoken in at least two. There had to be SOMETHING new in my life. Some new and exciting endeavour that I could rave about. But nothing came to mind. I just shrugged and changed the subject.
I go to work. I come home. I read a little. I write a little. I walk. I cook. I watch TV. I sleep. But I don’t read as much as I want to. I don’t write as much as I should be considering I’m writing a book. I don’t spend enough time outside. I don’t move my body enough. I’ve been making unhealthy food choices lately and I watch way too much TV. I’m not even sleeping that well anymore and that’s something I’ve always done well. During this past week, there are only two mornings that I managed to sleep past 4am. I’ve been procrastinating on my goals, I turn to mindless activities for comfort and I just feel like I’m living under my potential.
These are strange things to be admitting and I feel some shame and guilt. But at the same time, I know that I’m not alone in my feelings. I’m not going to negate them or brush them off. I’m going to honour these feelings and then I’m going to deal with the situation.
I’ve been letting my life control me. If ever the title Life by Lise has applied, it’s now. I’m going to start living life on my own terms again. I need meditation. I need positive affirmations. I need to read and be inspired. I need to write. I need to move my body regularly. I need to spend less time staring at screens and more time in nature. I need to start fuelling my body with healthy nutrients instead of convenience foods. I need to set goals and work hard at attaining them.
With the new year around the corner, I guess I’m choosing the perfect time to press the reset button and take control of my life again. I went out and bought a 2018 planner this morning and I’m already filling it with goals and inspirations. And instead of making resolutions for the year (which never, ever, ever work), I’ll be setting various simple, attainable goals every month. I already know what I’ll be doing for June but you’ll have to wait just a few more days to find out what it is.